The Dysfunctional Mind
I have a dysfunctional mind. When did I realize this. Well, last week. It's quite unerving for me. There is one thing I think I do well and that is think. Give me a problem and I can anazlyze every possible outcome and then the the results from that outcome. I can think through every response someone could give, how I will take it, how they will take that. Handy huh? Not really. In fact I almost wish I couldn't do that. Why? Because I will worry and stress myself to death. Let me give you an example of how my mind works. This is a simple non-extreme example. Last night I was at johnny's. I'm free to snack on whatever he has while I'm over there. I was hungry, so I saw some ritz crackers in pantry. I thought I'd like ritz crackers with cheese. Then found his cheese. It was still sealed. I asked if I could have some and he said yes. Then I went into thinking mode. You ready? Here we go. Entering my mind last night.

Do I really want ritz and cheese? Am I really hungry? I was hungry. I think I still am. Maybe I just think I'm hungry. Well, whether I'm hungry or not I'm in a snacking mood. Should I snack when I'm not hungry? But I might be hungry? Hmm, I do really like ritz crackers and cheese. Though the cheese hasn't been opened yet. Maybe he would prefer it not be opened. Then why would he say yes? Brett, you know Johnny doesn't care. I do let him snack at my place all the time, so ya, he should be fine with it. I wonder if he's only fine with it because I let him snack over at my place. Well, that wouldn't be good. You know I really don't know if I'm hungry. I have been eating a lot recently, I don't need a snack even if I am hungry. Maybe I want chips. I always like those cape cod chips. I don't think I want them. Hmm, well maybe I do and just don't know it. I'll start eating those. It is easier than opening the cheese. (I begin eating cape cod chips). This is not what I wanted. Why did I think I might want these? Well now you've chosen this as your snack item, you can't go back now. It'd be really bad to snack on two different things. (keeps eating chips). Man, I really don't want these. (puts chips away saying out loud that I wasn't in the mood for these). Well that was the wrong decision. That was stupid. Why did I think I wanted chips. Hmm. Do I want ritz and cheese? Thats what I think I originally wanted. Am I still hungry? Was I ever hungry? Am I making a face right now? I probably am. I do that when I think. Does Johnny think it's wierd that I only ate 4 chips. Maybe he thinks somethings on my mind and that it wasn't that I just decided I didn't want chips. Do I want cheese and ritz? I don't know. Am I even hungry? What did I have for dinner? Panera, right. It was enough food. Not tons though, so I could still be hungry. Though that is right, I did eat dinner, that should be the last meal. I mean, I don't really want to open the cheese if I don't have to right? It's been a long time since I've had cheese and crackers. Maybe I can't figure out if I want it because it's been so long since I've had them. Maybe I should keep it this way. Cheese and crackers isn't exactly healthy. Is it? I mean, it's not like chocolate ice cream. But its not something like yogurt. Yogurt is healthy. Well, the low fat kind is healthier. Am I hungry? You know, cheese is kind of expensive. If you snack you should choose something a little cheaper. Not to mention the cheese hasn't been opened yet. Oh he said I could have it, why am I'm still debating that. Alright, we're just going to go with no. How about you just chill and talk with johnny (talking with johnny) Do I? Don't I? Do I? Don't I? (talking with johnny) Am I? Do I? hmm. I don't know. (talking with johnny) Do I? Don't I? Do I? Don't I? Do I? Don't I? Do I? Don't I? (talking with johnny) Alright I'm going for it. (goes gets cheese, opens it, grabs ritz and ejoys exaclty what I wanted) Whew, glad I figured that out. I did want cheese and crackers. It is good I finally decided on that. I'm glad I'm being decisive. Hmm how mnay should I eat? Do I want soda? How thick should these slices be? Whats the best cheese to cracker ratio? How much is too much? I like pepsi. Soda is really bad for you. I shouldn't eat all his cheese. I feel bad that I opened new cheese. I can't believe I was hungry after that dinner. Was I hungry?

AH!!!!!!!!!

Welcome to my brain. And this is cheese and freaking crackers! I'd go into how I anazlyze relationships but it would be disturbing to see all of the tangents and thoughts I have. This is a mild case. When I'm thinking about people, these thoughts, this going back and forth and back and forth, can last for days. It's very tiring. You want to hear what is really crazy. I thought this was normal. Everybody thinks like this. Right? In fact, part of me still thinks that it's normal. I only just started discovering how dysfunctional this thinking is about a week ago. You have now experience what it's like to live in The Dysfunctional mind.